Daniel Dvorkin<p>This goes in the same bin as <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/logical" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>logical</span></a> and <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/rational" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>rational</span></a> in my frequently used funny-sexy-cool test. Only other people can decide if you’re <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/funny" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>funny</span></a> or <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/sexy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>sexy</span></a> or <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/cool" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>cool</span></a>. Not only do you not get to make that judgement about yourself, it’s a terrible mistake to try—because the more you announce to people that you are that thing, the less likely they are to see you that way. Show, don’t tell.</p><p>Many desirable characteristics, including <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/logic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>logic</span></a> and <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/rationality" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>rationality</span></a> and <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/empathy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>empathy</span></a>, work the same way. I <em>try</em> to be empathetic, and as far as I can tell from the reactions of the people around me, I succeed most of the time. And I trust many of them to tell me if I’m being a self-centered jerk. But being “an <a href="https://qoto.org/tags/empath" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>empath</span></a>” isn’t an inborn characteristic. It’s a <em>behavior</em>—and like all good behaviors, past performance is no guarantee of future results.</p>