A Joke A Day<p><strong>Forgetful</strong></p><p>Sometimes I forget I’m dead.</p><p>The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/dead/" target="_blank">#Dead</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/forgetful/" target="_blank">#Forgetful</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/ghost/" target="_blank">#Ghost</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
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#nzcomedy
6 posts · 6 participants · 0 posts today
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Circular Rugby</strong></p><p>Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/circles/" target="_blank">#Circles</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/mathematics/" target="_blank">#Mathematics</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/rugby/" target="_blank">#Rugby</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Funny?</strong></p><p>OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian.</p><p>Think of something funny to say.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/comedian/" target="_blank">#Comedian</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/funny/" target="_blank">#Funny</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedian/" target="_blank">#NZComedian</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Hamlet</strong></p><p>No spoilers please, but Hamlet does win in the end, doesn’t he?</p><p>I mean Shakespeare wouldn’t be such an amateur that the hero loses?</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/hamlet/" target="_blank">#Hamlet</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/shakespeare/" target="_blank">#Shakespeare</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Lifeguard</strong></p><p>Life guard at the pool said my swimsuit was too revealing then asked if I was male or female.</p><p>I replied “Then it can’t be that revealing.”</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/life-guard/" target="_blank">#LifeGuard</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/pool/" target="_blank">#Pool</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/swimsuit/" target="_blank">#Swimsuit</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Mnemonics</strong></p><p>I wrote a letter today and used the word “Mnemonic” four times.</p><p>Every single time I spelled it wrong, so I wrote this little mnemonic to remember it “Many Nematodes Eat Mushy Organic Noodles In Cafes” which would be great if only I could remember how to spell nematoads.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/mnemonic/" target="_blank">#Mnemonic</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nematodes/" target="_blank">#Nematodes</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>New Diet</strong></p><p>My doctor told me I need a lighter diet so I wrote The Helium Cookbook</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/diet/" target="_blank">#Diet</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/helium/" target="_blank">#Helium</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Tunnel</strong></p><p>I wanted to take the Waterview tunnel, but someone told me where it came out.</p><p>SPOILER!</p><p></p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/spoilers/" target="_blank">#Spoilers</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/tunnel/" target="_blank">#Tunnel</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Living Forever</strong></p><p>I intend to live forever, or die trying. </p><p>(I can’t believe that’s original, but can’t remember hearing it.)</p><p></p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/imortality/" target="_blank">#Imortality</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Trolls</strong></p><p>I don’t understand how Internet trolls function.</p><p>How do they get decent WIFI under the bridge?</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/bridges/" target="_blank">#Bridges</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/trolls/" target="_blank">#Trolls</a></p>
Auckland Comedy<p><strong>Park Comedy, Mt Eden, 3 April 2025</strong></p><p>Our final evening outdoor Open Mic comedy for this summer is at 6:30 PM Thursday 3rd of April in Potters Park, 173 Balmoral Road, Mount Eden, Auckland 1024 (corner of Dominion & Balmoral Roads. Look for us near the walking boy statue).</p><p>Follow <a href="https://mastodon.nz/@juliaclement" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Julia Clement</a> for details of our Winter series when released.</p><p>Free, but koha gladly accepted.</p><p>This is a fully accessible venue with on-street parking and near the 25 & 65 bus routes.</p><p>It starts to get quite cold towards the end of the show so BRING SOMETHING WARM TO THROW ON.</p><p>As an open mic we can’t control the jokes that individual comedians tell, parental discretion is advised.</p><p>Check the event at <a href="https://park.comedyshow.nz/events/potters-park-mount-eden-comedy-11/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://park.comedyshow.nz/events/potters-park-mount-eden-comedy-11/</a> for more info.</p><p>Organisers: Julia & Tessa Clement</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/mteden/" target="_blank">#MtEden</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/park-comedy/" target="_blank">#ParkComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/standupcomedy/" target="_blank">#StandupComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Side Splitting</strong></p><p>Comedy’s all fun and games until someone splits their sides.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/comedy/" target="_blank">#Comedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/side-splitting/" target="_blank">#SideSplitting</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Scalpers</strong></p><p>Totally pissed off at the scalpers.</p><p>My show’s been on sale for 4 days & they still haven’t bought all the tickets.</p><p></p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/scalpers/" target="_blank">#Scalpers</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/tickets/" target="_blank">#Tickets</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Penis Jokes</strong></p><p>I’d tell penis jokes, but there’s a shortage.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/penis-jokes/" target="_blank">#PenisJokes</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Old iPhone</strong></p><p>My iPhone is so old that when I pick it up, Siri says “Number please?”</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/iphone/" target="_blank">#iPhone</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/old-phone/" target="_blank">#OldPhone</a></p>
Auckland Comedy<p><strong>Park Comedy, Pt Chev, 1 April 2025</strong></p><p>Our final evening outdoor Open Mic comedy in Coyle Park, Pt Chev for the season is at 6:30 PM Tuesday 1 April. Follow <a href="https://mastodon.nz/@juliaclement" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Julia Clement</a> for details of our Winter series when released.</p><p>Please note, this event was originally scheduled for the previous day 31/3.</p><p>Free, but koha gladly accepted.</p><p>This is a fully accessible venue with on-street parking and near the 66 and 101 bus routes.</p><p>Check the event at <a href="https://park.comedyshow.nz/events/pt-chev-library-comedy-3/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://park.comedyshow.nz/events/pt-chev-library-comedy-3/</a> for more info.</p><p>As an open mic we can’t control the jokes that individual comedians tell, parental discretion is advised.</p><p>It starts to get quite cold towards the end of the show so BRING SOMETHING WARM TO THROW ON.</p><p>Organisers: Julia & Tessa Clement</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/aucklandcomedy/" target="_blank">#AucklandComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/coyle-park/" target="_blank">#CoylePark</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/point-chev/" target="_blank">#PointChev</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://auckland.comedyshow.nz/tag/standupcomedy/" target="_blank">#StandupComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Facebook 5G</strong></p><p>You can’t call a person truly alone who has social media and 5G coverage.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/5g/" target="_blank">#5G</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/social-media/" target="_blank">#SocialMedia</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Standing Too Close</strong></p><p>Time to get tough on people who stand too close to themselves.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/masking/" target="_blank">#Masking</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/too-close/" target="_blank">#TooClose</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Cats</strong></p><p>Are my wife’s pets my step cats or my cats-in-law?</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/cats/" target="_blank">#Cats</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Epilator</strong></p><p>The epilator took 15 years to develop.</p><p>One to make it work & fourteen to make it hurt more.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/epilator/" target="_blank">#Epilator</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
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