Len<p>So, I'll tell you all a secret: I don't actually like platforming. I never have. All the way back to Super Mario Land on the gameboy when I was a wee one, platforming has filled me with dread. "What if I fall? Then I'll have to do the whole fucking thing again!".</p><p>All I ever get from it is relief at completing a section, or maybe satisfaction at completing an arbitrary difficult task, no joy in the actual movement itself.</p><p>My sibling wanted to know why I powered through Celeste if this was the case. Well, in the case of Celeste, I wanted to find out what happened next, I was spellbound by the story and its portrayal of depression, I didn't want to let the game beat me, I felt it was good personal growth, and - here's the other secret - I genuinely wanted to help Madeline.</p><p>I have (or, at least had) an extremely powerful suspension of disbelief¹ capability. Since I was a kid, I've thrown myself into videogames with a sense of *duty*, that I'm actually helping the protagonist save their world or whatever, and that if I don't help them then that world goes unsaved.</p><p>It's only pretty recently - in the last year or so - that I realised I was actually still doing this.</p><p>Anyway, this brings us to Hollow Knight and Silksong. When I beat The Radiance, I did it because I genuinely wanted to end Hallownest's infection, and save everyone. This was no longer the case by the time I started on Silksong.</p><p>There were sections of Celeste that made my heart sink. I can distinctly remember thinking "you want me do do WHAT?!". But I powered through it, for all the reasons above.</p><p>Well, I've started to get that feeling from Silksong, in the clockwork core. Only this time, I don't actually care about saving the inhabitants of this fictional world. And there's no touching lesson to be learned about overcoming the struggles of mental illness.</p><p>And here's the thing: having played Celeste I'm confident that it has actually given me the skills to do the platforming.</p><p>But, well, I don't want to. I realised how viscerally I dislike platforming, and that I no longer have other motivations to push through it. And all the stress can't be good for me.</p><p>And god I'm conflicted about that! When so much of one's identity is tied up in playing video games (and I realise that's not ideal) it sucks to hate a game that everyone else loves.</p><p>Oh well.</p><p>1: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspension_of_disbelief" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspensi</span><span class="invisible">on_of_disbelief</span></a></p><p><a href="https://aus.social/tags/Silksong" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Silksong</span></a> <a href="https://aus.social/tags/videogames" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>videogames</span></a> <a href="https://aus.social/tags/introspection" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>introspection</span></a> <a href="https://aus.social/tags/Celeste" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Celeste</span></a></p>