- Trying to avoid conflict
@varkychen Yes, that too, but I prefer to go the assertiveness way rather than aggressive, passive or passive aggressive way. By being assertive your needs are stated and you have also heard the needs of the other. Assertiveness Training is a thing.
@tariquesani I think it should be a must-do for a lot of people.
@tariquesani that last one - I have defined my own parameters of success, but sometimes, I end up questioning myself. If I’m doing the right thing by not bothering about what society values - quick promotions, a fast-track career, more money. Sometimes that weighs heavily on me, seeing how people around me have risen while I haven’t.
How do you not let that weigh on you? I seem to be missing that key...
@shinjini Yes, it is very hard to not given in to the peer/societal pressures. I too experience it still BUT over time the single question which has served me best is “For what purpose?” Or the variation “And that means?”. At times you need to ask these questions in a chain, also known as inference chaining, till there isn’t an answer. The last answer typically is what we have really already chosen in an easier simpler way!!
Did I make sense, if not we can try doing a couple as an exercise.
@tariquesani I think so...can we do one as an exercise? That would be very helpful.
@shinjini Take one thing which you at times want to be doing and ask the question “For what purpose?”
Eg: I must pursue that promotion!
Ask “For what purpose?”
What ever comes up as an answer to that ask the same question again...
@tariquesani makes sense. I will try this! I know for the promotion, it was a feeling of not being validated for whatever I did achieve. And then that comparison/fear of what people would think of me. Which I found funny, too, because I didn’t think it mattered so much to me.
@shinjini social conditioning can be a real bitch at times. You think you are over it and then BAM 💥 I did notice it then figured that the triggers are very contextual for me. Only certain people, in certain places...
@tariquesani yes, that is true. Triggers are contextual. And social conditioning + triggers + self doubt = triple whammy!
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