your irrational fear of putting your information into a computer is now gone. It has been replaced by a very rational fact-based fear of putting your information into a computer.


I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”


“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.


:gunright: first you're gonna hit reply and post a link to that great song thats been stuck in your head lately

:gunleft: then you're gonna hit the repeat/boost/bonk button on this post and nobody gets hurt okay?!


PLZ drop what's been helping you unwind

I just finished my new project, bridging Nintendo Switch chat with Matrix

The air is still quite bad, hovering around hazardous. Yet still, my friends and previous colleagues in Eastern Washington and Oregon had over double the PM10, (660) which is beyond what the air quality index even measures. Really hope they’re able to breathe easy soon, particularly those who still have to work in this.

Guess I’m also going to need to buy air purifiers to go with my portable AC units for increasingly warm summers and wildfire season

Looking less like the Upside-Down than yesterday out, so that’s nice

I'm thinking about doing an off season 100 days of code, focusing on the coursework in the FreeCodeCamp microservices and API curriculum. I'd love any feedback if anyone's used that previously.

About to be working with Lambda and API gateway a lot more in the coming months. It’ll be nice to shift to serverless focused work as a change of pace, though it is also a bit daunting. Time to half finish another github project!

For users:
To create a temporary disposable email account, start a conversation with @Dropmailbot on telegram. Then type /help to get a list of commands. /get will generate a new email for you which you can send to online services to setup accounts. Their confirmation link/code email will display in your conversation with the bot. Click their confirmation link and then you can delete your temporary email. Useful for spam prevention on your ligitimate email accounts.

oh, you're anti-imperialist? yet you drink 'americanos'. curious 🤔

You know how dogs walk in circles on their bed before they finally lay down? I have the same energy slapping random system utilities together for hours at a time on a fresh openbox install

So many people saying they're switching from Firefox. Won't this only make the problem worse?

If you're switching to Brave or qutebrowser or UnGoogled Chromium or something, you're only strengthening Google's monopoly. If you're switching to a Webkit-based browser like Epiphany, you're shifting the monopoly towards Safari, whose parent company doesn't consider the Web a priority.

That Mozilla has bad management doesn't change the fact that Firefox is the most viable option for the open web.

Just watched Starship Troopers again with the boys. I’d somehow forgotten just how excellent that film was.

Planning to fully de-google, and I'm not looking forward to the volume of backups I need to do, nor migrating my services to a different authentication service (I guess Authy?)


Fosstodon is an English speaking Mastodon instance that is open to anyone who is interested in technology; particularly free & open source software.