In defence of bro'ship. 

So being in my 40's I can read statistics. A huge number of men my age and older are incredibly lonely. They have accepted a patriarchal model of masculinity where friends are removed and distanced when you have a spouse or a family. Leaving social connections to your spouse if your straight means when the kids grow up or divorce happens - you are now isolated alone. Loneliness being the core driver for suicide among middle age men.

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In defence of bro'ship. 

The one single effective method is to have close friends and especially friends of your own gender, bromances.

I have a handful of very-very-close-friends. Basically "friends who's genitalia I've seen in a very nonsexual manner" (of both sexes). A sort of siblinghood where you can hug, touch, and share secrets and sadnesses outside of the logic of dual genders and patriarchy. Where my male friends can be sensitive if they want.

We need more of this. Not less.

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran there's so many layers to this it's not even funny.

I've been passing for an adult for way longer than I was a child but I'm having to sit my ass down and read and educate myself just to understand my own damned feelings, because it's been hammered out of me for all of my life. Now that I have a kid it's all so much more pressing because I realize how important it is that I get my shit together so I don't perpetuate the cycle with my son.

In defence of bro'ship. 

@kungtotte THIS!!!! So fucking much this!

Its our sons generation we need to do this for. So they don't have to!

You rock for just investing the energy! <3

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran I grew up thinking I could only ever be happy, angry, or horny and if I showed any kind of sensitivity or vulnerability it meant I was pejoratively gay and shunned for it. Talk about a catalyst for insecurities when you actually have other feelings but you're forced to suppress them to keep up the facade of masculinity; how masculine can I be if I get shy or scared or sad or disappointed or any of those "girly" feelings? I must be an absolute wretch of a man!

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran I don't want my son growing up with that experience. I will fight tooth and nail so that he can grow up being his true self and finding his own way in this world without society putting a bunch of bullshit down his throat about what it means to be a man and how you're supposed to this or supposed to that.

Part of that is getting help for myself and getting away from my own insecurities and toxic masculinity horseshit that I carry in my baggage.

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran which isn't made any easier by society's view on mental health and mental care, especially when it comes to men talking about it. It's socially acceptable at least for women to seek counseling, even if society still has a crummy view about mental health issues, but for a man to stand up and say "Yeah I've been talking to a psychologist because I've been feeling sad/insecure/vulnerable"? Forget about it.

Men deal with their own shit on their own time.

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran Sorry for ranting, but this is a topic I care a lot about as it's something I'm dealing with myself a lot right now.

Mental health is something we all need to be talking about, and be taught psychological tools to manage. Who cares when Gustav Vasa took the throne? Teach us some real shit in school that we can actually use, and I'll look that other stuff up on Wikipedia.

In defence of bro'ship. 

@kungtotte <3 is basically my only comment.

Protip: talk to your dad when you're both drunk. Talk about this. Mine was.... well he was an alcoholic, nice one but also selfmedicating to avoid his phobias and not very accessible but if you can, try talking to your dad about it.

We deserve to be able to show love and sadness to each other without shame <3

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran last year we went to visit my paternal grandfather's grave (we were at a wedding in the church so we stopped by to pay our respects). It was the first time I went there, second time my dad ever went there, and he was overflowing with emotions because every second word out of his mouth was profanity. He never talks like that otherwise.

And I couldn't fucking say anything to him about it! Up yours, society!

In defence of bro'ship. 

@ohyran I'm in my 20's and I only have one friend of this sort. I guess I'll discover more as time goes, but I have a really hard time with people I'm general :/

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