JarblaxylTheDeliverer ❌ @jarblaxyl@fosstodon.org

When the state of Kansas gets enough experience points it levels up and becomes Arkansas

I wonder if my dog is like: I keep bringing you the thing, and you keep fucking throwing it! Buddy, I'm trying to help here!

Plot of this book so thick it just created an onlyfans

Life goals

I changed the battery in my car today by myself. Feeling manly af right now

I don't care how much of a meme it is at this point, MEGALOVANIA still gets me hyped af every time I listen to it

Kids destroy all your shit!

But also them: P U P P E R S

Them: don't have kids! They're loud and dirty and take up all your time and make lots of noise!

Also them: D O G G O S

Me when someone asks for a piece of gum but it's my last piece

People will eat fast food everyday, drink a six pack of beer every night, smoke cigarettes, never exercise and then buy a gun to "protect their life" bitch are you about it or not??

Why the fuck would you ever show me a recipe that take more than 30 minutes

Todo: organize todo list

People say shit like "the brain is the biggest sex organ" like come on I can't stick my tongue in a brain hole

This shit right here is what happens when you tell a dev to "add a tooltip" without any extra UX guidance

When people talk about how capitalism inspires innovation and progress I always think about the microsoft engineers that added an obfuscated sleep timer in a loading bar and each quarter when they were given a performance increase goal they just halved the sleep time

Chill tf out ring fit adventure god damn

Thinking about how there were actually serious anti-littering campaigns in the 70s because apparently boomers needed to be taught that trash doesn't magically disappear when you throw it out thr car window