JarblaxylTheDeliverer ❌ @jarblaxyl@fosstodon.org

You're making things up again Donald

You're recklessly warping the words of the presidency

POV: the Duolingo bear is unimpressed with your penis

When I added Friday and Saturday night to phone do not disturb settings, that's when I knew it was all over for me

Writing a dating sim, I'm working on the scene where you're at a concert, and I made myself sad describing it. I miss doing things 😞

The club then informs me they are closed due to coronavirus

Pull up to the club like what up ladies I'm sapphire in Duolingo

I'm tryna Detroit Smash Izuku's mom ya feel me

"cop glamorizing shows causes people to love police brutality" is the liberal version of "violent video games cause people to commit mass shootings"

This is how college students are gonna look after this semester

A nasty little secret from the tech industry: there's gonna be a whole bunch of times you have no idea what code does but you're gonna say "looks good to me" and press the green "approve" button on GitHub anyway

When the state of Kansas gets enough experience points it levels up and becomes Arkansas

I wonder if my dog is like: I keep bringing you the thing, and you keep fucking throwing it! Buddy, I'm trying to help here!

Plot of this book so thick it just created an onlyfans

Life goals

I changed the battery in my car today by myself. Feeling manly af right now

I don't care how much of a meme it is at this point, MEGALOVANIA still gets me hyped af every time I listen to it

Kids destroy all your shit!

But also them: P U P P E R S

Them: don't have kids! They're loud and dirty and take up all your time and make lots of noise!

Also them: D O G G O S