On why software is terrible: July edition:
a library ffmpeg depends on (libgdk-pixbuf2.0-0) segfaults in the configure stage of apt. This breaks ffmpeg and it doesn't work at all (but that's not obvious in the apt output)

Maybe I should try Arch instead of Raspbian on the rpi, these outdated packages are getting out of hand. (this was a bug 5 YEARS ago!)

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alternatively, this is a hardware issue (SD card probably even though I tested it before installing Raspbian), but it worked fine when installing ffmpeg from source

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